I Think I Love You

Posted in My Life with tags , , , , on February 9, 2010 by Shizuma

Ugh, having class with the person you love [when they don't love you back] sucks. I have to sit here and deal with being by her… It’s driving me crazy. She doesn’t talk to me anymore, and she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. It’s hard to deal with but I have no choice… This sucks.

I admit it, I miss her. I miss sleeping beside her and I miss waking up beside her and spending time with her. But that’s not what she wants… Valentine’s Day is coming up and I have to spend it alone… My birthday is coming up and I have to spend it alone [relationship-wise]. And the thing that sucks the most is that I love her but she doesn’t love me…

I Thought I Saw Your Face Today

Posted in My Life with tags , , , , on February 4, 2010 by Shizuma

You know that feeling you get when someone you care about treats you like you are nothing? I have yet to understand this society’s lust for dishonesty and cheating; especially in relationships. Would it not be easy for both people if they were always honest and didn’t hide things? I guess the world doesn’t work that way, and people will always be nothing short of evil. It really makes me think. I admit it, I’m in love, however foolish my friends tell me it is for me to be in love with this person, for all extensive purposes I am. I’ve tried to forget. I’ve tried to let go. I’ve tried to distance myself. But in the end, it all leads back to everything and all the things that needed to be said and weren’t… and those unsaid words break you the most. But don’t worry, this post isn’t about that at all.

So I had a job interview at the Home Market yesterday and they will be calling me tomorrow for me to take the drug tests and everything. I’m actually excited.

My internship is going pretty well. After filming at the Thompson Children Home and interviewing children who had been physically and sexually abused… It was pretty upsetting.

There have been some changes in my life that I am not too happy about but there’s nothing I can do about it. The person in question made their mind up and I can not change it. It sucks but I guess that’s how life is for me; just a big bag of disappointments and failures.

The question of the week is: Where are the females who don’t mess around and actually want a real relationship and not a play thing?

NEW JOINT BLOG

Posted in My Life with tags , , , , on January 4, 2010 by Shizuma

So after the debate on my previous post, my friend and i decided to create a joint blog written by the two of us. Check it out!!

http://academicduo.wordpress.com/

3,000 STALKERS!! [views on blog]

Posted in My Life, Random on January 3, 2010 by Shizuma

So i just hit my 3,000 mark and I am fairly excited. As tradition, i post a short thank you to everyone who reads my blog every 1,000 stalks [haha]. So thank you all. You are all amazing

Wine Flavored Cyanide

Posted in My Life, Politics, film with tags , , , on January 3, 2010 by Shizuma

okay, so if you don’t know already, my friend Shawna and I are having a debate on my previous post’s comments. I suggest reading it and commenting as well.

But I just wanted to point out Documentaries I feel should be watched by society that are vaguely overlooked.

note: Documentaries are great to learn about issues that the major news corporations don’t speak upon, but are no means the only form of media to learn by. Read alternative news articles, like NPR and more.

The Corporation [2003]

The documentary is critical of the modern-day corporation, considering its legal status as a class of person and evaluating its behavior towards society and the world at large as a psychiatrist might evaluate an ordinary person. This is explored through specific examples. The Corporation has been displayed worldwide, on television, and via DVD, file sharing, and free download.

Food, Inc. [2008]

The film examines large-scale agricultural food production in the United States, concluding that the meat and vegetables produced by this type of economic enterprise have many hidden costs and are unhealthy and environmentally-harmful. The documentary generated extensive controversy in that it was heavily criticized by large American corporations engaged in industrial food production.

Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders [2006]


A independent feature-length documentary film and book [2007] that chronicles abusive practices in the credit card industry. The film and book use interviews with creditors, debtors, academics, and others to illustrate its story. The main premises of the documentary and book are that banks and other creditors deliberately market to people who are more likely to have problems paying predatory lending and that the creditors benefit from connections to government, the debt collection industry, and from lawmaker apathy.

This Film Is Not Yet Rated [2006]

A film about the Motion Picture Association of America’s rating system and its effect on American culture. The MPAA gave the original cut of the film an NC-17 rating for “some graphic sexual content” – scenes that illustrated the content a film could include to garner an NC-17 rating. Kirby Dick appealed, and descriptions of the ratings deliberations and appeal were included in the documentary. The new version of the film is not yet rated. The film discusses disparities the filmmaker sees in ratings and feedback: between Hollywood and independent films, between homosexual and heterosexual sexual situations, between male and female sexual depictions, and between violence and sexual content.

Super Size Me [2004]

a film directed by and starring Morgan Spurlock, an American independent filmmaker. Spurlock’s film follows a 30-day time period [February to beginning of March 2003] during which he eats only McDonald’s food. The film documents this lifestyle’s drastic effects on Spurlock’s physical and psychological well-being, and explores the fast food industry’s corporate influence, including how it encourages poor nutrition for its own profit.

An Inconvenient Truth [2006]

A film about former United States Vice President Al Gore’s campaign to educate citizens about global warming via a comprehensive slide show that, by his own estimate, he has given more than a thousand times.

Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price [2005]

The film presents an unfavorable picture of Wal-Mart’s business practices through interviews with former employees, small business owners, and footage of Wal-Mart executives. The film intersperses statistics between the interviews to provide large-scale examinations beyond personal opinions.

Micheal Moore’s Documentaries: Bowling For Columbine [2002], Fahrenheit 9/11 [2004], SICKO [2007], Slacker Uprising [2008]

I’m currently in the process of watching more documentaries today so this list could change to more.

Sources For Text: Wikipedia.org

The Law of The Land {as annotated by me}

Posted in My Life, Politics, Rants with tags , , , on January 3, 2010 by Shizuma

Today I begin learning how to drive a manual car. I’m both excited and nervous, mainly because of all the things that have to be done when driving a manual car and i live in a heavy traffic city. I’m hoping to be able to get a automatic, but I will take what i can get at this moment because i need some kind of vehicle or i’ll go insane.

It has come to my attention that mankind is not and has never been, nor ever will be free. No, I am not making a post on the horrors of slavery and other such institutions; that should be plainly obvious. I’m merely calculating the life span of the average human being under the pretense of “social norms”. One might ask themselves, “what exactly is a social norm?”, well according to sociological site, Changing Minds,

“the rules that a group uses for appropriate and inappropriate values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. These rules may be explicit or implicit. Failure to follow the rules can result in severe punishments, including exclusion from the group.” – ChangingMinds.com [2002]

Sounds very strict. It basically leaves no room for any type of creative expression, unless of course they follow the rigid guidelines set by the society they inhabit. Now, where does that leave people like me? I do not believe in one god [like the people around me do], I try, to the best of my ability, to warn people of the dangers of Global Warming, Human Trafficking, Corporate Criminals, War [and the effects of it], Health Care, etc. No one wants to hear about them, because they do not confide in the social norm of making money, “by any means necessary”. I once tried to get a friend of mine to sit down and watch a simple documentary about the Health Care System in the US. They wouldn’t watch it. A simple DVD about Health Insurance companies and their government sponsors, that obviously would only allow them to look at the situation from another point of view, and they refused! I do not understand this society’s fear of knowledge. It’s almost as if willful ignorance, as apposed to involuntary ignorance, is the way to live life. It makes no sense to me.

What exactly is wrong with knowing that we are destroying our planet and have the responsibility to fix it? The Human species in itself is the most advanced species on this planet, and as Spider-Man’s uncle said, “with great power comes great responsibility,” so we should be trying to help our world not destroy it. My generation seems to be out of touch with our natural world. I admit, i wouldn’t know what to do without my cell phone, MacBook, Internet connections, video games, etc. But i still keep a close relationship with the natural world.

Eh, this is just my tiny little rant for today. Comment below if i missed out on something! OR if I incorrectly stated something.

Sounds And Noises Makes Music

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2010 by Shizuma

So, I awoke today in a great mood. After grabbing a cup of Orange Juice because someone gets sick from drinking it [haha], I laid down and let my iTunes shuffle through playlists. I wanted to edit my earlier post about the top 10 albums of 2009, but decided I had already made the list so I shouldn’t change it. Although, I would like to make some changes. So, I thought about just fixing it by making a “Shizzy’s Top 10 Albums of 2000 – 2009″, but i’m lazy at the moment so here are a few bands / albums I think people should give a chance.

Paralyzed By The Same Old Antics

Posted in Music, My Life with tags on January 1, 2010 by Shizuma

So, I just remembered that I have my acoustic guitar here in Greensboro. So, I’m writing 4 new song’s entitled, The Girl With Orange Colored Hair {requiem}, There Are No Flowers Here Anymore, Shhh The Penguins Are Watching, and Over Thinking Kills Brain Cells. I’ll hopefully start recording sometime tonight or tomorrow afternoon, well start recording the first one at least. I might end up recording some of my older songs I wrote a few months ago, like my song This August You Loved Me [But Left In October], Paperback Hearts, and Violins & Paper Trees. I haven’t had the time lately to write songs, and as some of you know, it’s one of my outlets that calms me down.  I have so many ripped up sheets of paper with notes, song titles, half written lyrics, doodles, etc. I haven’t even touched my Acoustic in about a year, and my Electric Guitars in months. It might be that I have been so depressed lately that I haven’t wanted to touch anything that would help me express my emotions. But, I don’t know, something in me is telling me to shut up and write. My problem is that i try to analyze everything in front of me. I try to make sense of what is said to me so badly that I end up twisting things around. I say things I don’t mean to say, and by the time I say them, it’s too late to take them back. Ugh. These song titles are pretty obvious who they are about.

Maybe I should just give up.

**Shizzy’s Top 10 Albums of 2009**

Posted in Music, My Life, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 1, 2010 by Shizuma

Okay, so 2009 has come and gone and it is now 2010, only 2 years left til the end of the world. Haha. But after reading my friend Rachael’s blog, i decided to come up with my own top 10 albums that i like. Enjoy!

10. White Rabbits – It’s Frightening [May 19, 2009] – INDIE

As Indie albums seem to go, I suggest laying back with a nice cup of coffee on a rainy day and relax. This album just puts you in that kind of mood. To me, it’s one of those “rainy day” albums, especially by the time you reach the final track, “Leave It At The Door”.

9. There For Tomorrow – A Little Faster [June 6, 2009] – ROCK/POP

As far as Rock/Pop albums go, this is a fun album to listen to. Nothing too extraordinary, but the lyrics are fun. I recommend giving them a listen.

8. 30 Seconds To Mars – This Is War [December 8, 2009] – ALTERNATIVE

30 Seconds To Mars never seem to not amaze me. Their last album, A Beautiful Lie, is one of my top favorite albums. They moved toward a different sound, reminiscent of The Killers. While not as hard rock as previous albums, they still deliver a wonderful sound.

“This Is War features 2,000 different album covers featuring individual photos of fans from around the world. The band asked fans to submit pictures of themselves, and then selected the 2,000 best images. The images were then used as covers for the album itself and shipped randomly to stores around the world.” – MTV News

7. Hatebreed – Hatebreed [September 29, 2009] – METAL

I haven’t heard a Hatebreed album since their 2006 album, Supremacy. This album is just as aggressive as i remember them to be. Still as “in your face” as they have always been. This is the album I listen to when I’m pissed off. I find myself head banging to every track. It’s a must listen if you need an angry outlet.

6. A Skylit Drive – Adelphia [June 9, 2009] – SCREAMO

Honestly, when I first listened to this album, I was a little confused as to if it was a female singing or not. haha. This album has it’s moments when it sounds very different from their previous releases but also sometimes it sounds just like their older albums. That may be what i like so much about this album. Nothing too special, but it’s a nice listen.

5. The Used – Artwork [August 31, 2009] – SCREAMO

My favorite The Used album is Lies For The Liars, but this album is Oh My God worthy. I’m a big social issue advocate and this album seems to poke at religious fanatics, especially in tracks, “On the Cross” and “Watered Down”. In my opinion this album is their only one that is this raw.

“The themes of the record include “coming to grips with how much you really hate yourself” and the concept of mortality. McCracken, who had previously lived a “reckless life,” recently came to terms with how easy it is to accidentally die after the tragic death of actor Heath Ledger. The song “Meant to Die” is loosely based on the death of Ledger and not being able to say “sorry,” or “I never meant to die” after an accidental death” – Alternative Press

4. Killswitch Engage – Killswitch Engage [June 30, 2009] – METAL

Initially I was confused because their debut album is also entitled, Killswitch Engage [2000], so I didn’t know if I was hearing right or not until I saw the album for myself. This album is just as, if not more, heavy than their earlier releases. I honestly, couldn’t help myself to jump around and have a mini mosh when I listen to it. The lyrical content is astounding to me, expressing exactly my emotions. This album comes highly recommend, as do their earlier works.

3. Tegan & Sara – Sainthood [October 27, 2009] – INDIE

“Tegan and Sara’s sixth studio album – Sainthood – addresses secular themes of devotion, delusion, and exemplary behavior in the pursuit of love and relationships. Inspired by emotional longing and the quiet actions we hope may be noticed by the objects of our affection, Sainthood is about obsession with romantic ideals. In the service of relationships we practice being perfect. We practice our sainthood in the hope that we will be rewarded with adoration. As we are driven to become anything for someone else, we sometimes become martyrs for our cause. Love, like faith, can never be held in an individual’s hands. But the story of a great love affair – especially one that is unrequited or has ended too soon – can be woven like scripture or a bedtime story.” – Tegan & Sara.

2. The Swell Season – Strict Joy [October 27, 2009] – INDIE

I was very excited when i found out Irish band The Swell Season was releasing a new album. Their debut album, The Swell Season, is a personal favorite of mine, and when they released the soundtrack to the movie, Once,i was steadily awaiting a new album and it was delivied in the form of Strict Joy. I highly recommend this album.

1. Ingrid Michaelson – Everybody [October 27, 2009] – INDIE

Everyone who knows me knows how much I love the music Ingrid Michaelson creates. It’s like she know’s exactly how I’m feeling. Their isn’t an album by her that I do not love. When I found out she released a new album, i made sure to buy it. It was worth it, this album feels as if she has matured from her earlier albums and saying things will get better. That’s my opinion of course. This album comes HIGHLY recommended by me. If you don’t know much about her, I also recommend listening to her earlier albums, Be Ok and Girls & Boys.

Honorable Mentions:

A Fine Frenzy – Bomb In A Birdcage

OT3P - Smash The Control Machine

I Just Want To Be Okay

Posted in My Life, Videos with tags , , on December 31, 2009 by Shizuma

Today started off kind of weird… had a horrible nightmare, then fell back to sleep and was awoken by the beautiful voice of Stacey. Since then til 2 hours ago, the day was going great. It was relaxing and I cleaned up my room at my parent’s house before i left to go back to my own apartment in Charlotte. Then all of a sudden things just started going down hill, as they seem to have a habit of doing.

It’s New Year’s Eve and normally I am out and about with friends, but this year i decided to just stay home [parent's house] and relax and hopefully talk to Stacey.

Speaking of Stacey, I’m not sure where things are going with her. Sometimes i feel like she wants me and then she makes it seems like she’s trying for someone else. It’s all very confusing, but hopefully things will start to make sense in a few weeks. doubt it, but it’s worth a try. All I can say is Ingrid Michaelson knows how I feel and speaks my language. haha.

Artist: Ingrid Michaelson

Song: Be Ok

note: let video load first so you may sit back and enjoy. lol